I Will Not Cry

I think I will not cry.

If the one that I cherished the most left me, I will not cry. Why should I cry when I know in my heart that I have loved her more than I have loved my own life?

If she tries to hurt me through words and the words became like piercing arrows that cuts deep and even reaches the soul that it hurts too much, I will not cry. Why would I cry when I know in my heart that I haven't let go of the promise I once made to love her unto the very end, even if at the moment everything was dark?

If the girl that I love the most treated me as though I could not be trusted, I will not cry. Why should I cry when I know in my heart that even though I am not perfect, I know I have done my best?

If I have lost the love of my life, I think I will not cry. I will search for her instead. Sleep will not hold me back. The night can't stop me. The dazzling thought and excitement of finding her again fuels my entire being. But she was nowhere to be found. Then I was wrong. I'm a man. I will cry after all.

And may the open fields cry with me. Let the leaves fall to the ground and may the red flowers let their petals fall as if a brushing wind softly damped their cold hands into their tiny stem, shaking the leaves as it passes by.

I call on the sky to cry with me. Let it be full of clouds. Let it be dark as it may. And may my tears be as countless as the raindrops on a thunderstorm. And as the tears flow down my cheeks let it be like the waters flowing on the river up to the surging mighty waves of that great dark ocean.

Yes, I will cry after all. For what is life without you? What is life without the one you love?

I don't have a heart of stone. A heart of  flesh   was  molded   inside  of me.

I will not alter the flow. I will go with the  pain, stay  in  the  rain   and learn. 

I will let the raindrops fall so it can water the old aged earth and cause fresh grass to grow and new flowers  to bloom.A new beginning.

Will I cry or will I not?

When a heart gets broken there are no easy answers anymore.

But Yes, I will cry after all. 

Heart Matters

 I can't quit now. Or should I?

There are lot of questions at the back of my mind. My mother just died. There's another huge but quite different story behind it. It was back then.. a few months ago..when I suffered from stress and depression. That was the first time I came in contact with this terrible monster. The pain of being left alone by the one who brought me into this world and have given me so much love just added up to my misery. The pain never left me.

I had a job but the stress that I'm feeling keeps me out of focus. It's only a miracle that I didn't only survived but I actually arrived to where I wanted. At that time I always have before me the idea of making happy those people that matters to me. I know I'm doing my best but the one thing that I now realized by experience is that you cannot make everybody happy and will always fall short of some of their expectations. People will always find fault in almost everything that you do. Even those things that you thought you have given your whole heart and strength and mind.

Are there people who can really understand the heart so they will help you not to hurt? 

I don't think there is. Or I can be wrong.

I remember the saying "the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure..who can understand it".In my experience, I think it's true.  The moment that you think you can understand your own heart that is the moment that you don't. And at the minute that you say you don't that is the time that you really do. Oh, those paradoxes of life are stunning indeed!

I had tried to have the best intentions in almost all aspects of my daily life even in my present relationships...even on the way I speak and the words I let out of my mouth. I was a leader of a group that train potential leaders to become leaders of different departments designated to various sectors in the community. I was accustomed with deadlines, pressures, criticisms and the like. For almost eleven years of my life I had never experience a sudden burst of outraged. But then it happened, in just a flash, I was never really aware that it was happening.

Reason for Everything

There's a question I've got on the net which goes like this:

What if the reason for everything that happens is a BAD reason? Some people believe everything happens for a reason, but what if that reason is really really bad? Like... the creator is an alcoholic and just likes to mess with people's minds?

This kind of question automatically assumes that there is also a good reason behind every bad reasons. Because for a thing to be labelled "bad" there must be a "good" that will act as a reference of what is to be called "bad". And since the question starts with a "what if?", it is a hypothetical question therefore it cannot be answered with an exact factual principle because "what if not?".

Abstract Lights

Lights can be called abstract in its form but whatever form it takes, it is still, in its essence, a wave-particle. And in the simplest term possible, it is still called a "light", for that is what a wave-particle is.
Essence is important in giving an exact description and definition to anything.

God Pop's Up into Existence

There are some people who asks the question whether God just pops out into existence. Some asks this question to disprove God. Others inquire about it just out of curiosity. But that kind of question is rather quite confusing.

These are the reasons.

When we use the word "God" in essence we are saying "eternal existence" or the "eternally existent One" meaning no beginning and no ending. Therefore it logically follows that a "no beginning" entity, simply put a "God", cannot just "pop" itself up into existence because that would be in contradiction with the essence  "no beginning" or in other words a "no beginning" entity cannot pop himself up into existence because he simply is. So according to this logic, it logically follows that God simply is. He eternally is. What now does the question implicate? The question self destructs.

Evidence of the Existence of God

When the existence of God came into question it is imperative to know if we are referring to the same meaning of the word. Because some refer to "God" as the Source of our existence or The Creator or simply The Maker.Others have different notions. If that is your meaning of God then I believe that such a person exists. Simply because we are here on this planet, it is very impossible to think that we simply existed as human beings from the very beginning without a source.It would be very absurd to logic and systematic thinking into believing that we simply came to be without a "Maker" or a "Creator". Everything that we ever did as humans has a beginning from the minute details up to engineering and the highest technology ever invented.

Our history as humans forces us to believe that there is at least a beginning to many things here on earth especially those that we invented ourselves and nothing manmade could ever be called "manmade" without a man to create, invent or make it. Therefore, human history and present day-to-day experiences forces us to a conclusion that there is a Great Maker of at least the human species because we must have a beginning in order to exist. To conclude otherwise is to object to our own human-technology-and-invention experiences and history where we are the maker and creator of things so to speak.

So this is what i think.

I do not believe in a "God" because tradition or anybody else taught me. I believe in a Creator-God. I'm force to believe because of our own experiences as a human race and our capacity to invent things and because of our ingenuity.It would be illogical if we just came to be, as genius as we are, without someone who invented us and made us.

It is hard for us to believe that an aircraft, as sophisticated as it is, has to be without an inventor or someone who made it. How then could we easily believed that we as sophisticated, gene-imbedded human beings, came to be without someone, more intelligent than we are, who made us from the very beginning? It simply is not logical and it defies reason. Logic and reason forces me to believe in a Creator-God.