Dolly: A Day with her Father

One of the most valuable thing a father can give his child is to give him his time.

I know a person who literally grew up into manhood without him remembering a single day in his life where his father would talk to him in a friendly manner. On the contrary all that he can call up to mind was his father waiting for every little mistake that he would do and judging him the whole day and the next day and the day after it and so on. We must remember here dear reader that a man who keeps on judging has no time to love.

And this man in my story had never in his whole life ever even heard a single positive word from him. That's ridiculous ,you might say, but it is the truth.

When he was in elementary and high school he feels that there were some things in himself that was not right and he was battling with it. These were emotional issues that can affect how a person will behave. He recall that when he was in high school, he was restless. He couldn't think straight. His mind couldn't rest. He was always at war with himself because he found out that he came out to be a very hot tempered person. He can be easily angered. And he didn't want this. He didn't intend to be that kind of person. But there was another one more subtle than any of the negative emotions that he discovered in himself. That was his feeling of fear. He feared that he might fail and he procrastinated many things. Fear found him because he lives everyday of his life in this perfect world, where perfectionism was the rule and where his father was the ruling god.

Nothing good will come out of fear.

As Aldous Huxley puts it in his book Ape and Essence, "Fear ... casts out intelligence, casts out goodness, casts out all thought of beauty and truth."

Conversely something good will come out of love. Love yourself. Love others. It can work miracles. But only perfect love can drive out fear. There is only One who is perfect and only His love can eradicate fear.

In contrast with the story of that man, Dolly, a charming little girl, about 4 years old was very privilege having a father who not only showed her where they are getting their food, thus teaching her lessons in life, but most importantly she was given a wonderful happy day of fishing with her father. And the memory of that single day alone can create happy feelings which could grow into a hope and that hope can turn into positive thoughts which can be the foundation of a positive joyful outlook in life. What kindness a father can give to his child!

See Dolly's photos and her catch in her father's diary The Rambling Expat.: Dolly got a fish!!!

I"ll repeat what I have said above and add something into it. One of the most valuable thing a father can give his child is his time. And a little kindness.

I'll borrow a quote from Aldous Huxley again to drive out a timeless truth about kindness and how even just a little of it can affect a whole life of a person. This is the quote, "It's a little embarrassing that after 45 years of research & study, the best advice I can give people is to be a little kinder to each other." That is how profound the subject of kindness is.

Kindness will make a huge difference in a child's life and a radiant effect to anybody else. Giving time and showing kindness can radically change a negative perspective into a positive one and a sad melancholic disposition into a radiant joyful countenance. It can put a smile into anybody's face. It can put a smile into your face and mine. It can leave a stamp of joy and gratitude on everybody's heart. Have you seen Dolly's smile and how she pose on her fishing trip with her father? That's quite charming.

The Grand Weaver

Yesterday was just a day of tweaking my blogspot. I wasn't able to post anything. It just wouldn't post. Good for me I had an xml back up of the whole blog. I backed it up before I added some applications. I think some of the application's html messes up with the other widgets. But it took me five hours of tweaking before I used my back up. Well that was because I just wanted to know the applications that was causing the problem. And luckily I found some culprit. But there were still others but I was very tired so I decided that it's enough for the day and I just used the back up. And it works fine again. Good feeling. 

Since it's working again let me just tell you what I had been wanting to tell you all along. It's about some of the books that helped a multitude of others around the world. These multitude are real people with real questions, problems and needs. They were drawn to these books because they see themselves in the stories. Those stories are real life drama with a worldwide perspective but woven with it are the universal principles which everyone of us cannot escape one way or another.
As Stuart McAllister puts it "The deepest convictions of our heart are often formed by the stories and reside there in the images and emotions of a story".

One of the books that I have is The Grand Weaver by Ravi Zacharias. This is what the book's description  tells us "...it is  full of penetrating stories and insights. Dr. Zacharias examines our backgrounds, our disappointments, our triumphs, and our beliefs, and explains how they are all part of the intentional and perfect work of the Grand Weaver."

For someone like me who had experienced how to be treated unfairly since I was a little kid by someone who is very close to me and then suffered so much rejection at the time when I was in college coupled with the death of my dear mother and so many other things,I had the same questions as others have. "What is the purpose for a well meaning person that suffered so much where there is nothing in his heart but only to serve others?" Is there an overarching purpose that we cannot see but is already set before us? Is it all our doing or is there a Grand Weaver that will give meaning to all of these tragedies? 

Well I know what the answer is at least for myself  and my questions. And it's quite an exceptional feeling to have a definite answer to these questions and have peace as a by product. Yes books can help.

That Ecstatic Feeling

This is a great day! The sun is up and there is no news of bad weather at all. My long time friend came to our house and we planned to go to the beach together with his two beautiful kids. I wanted to go. But I just need to jot down some thoughts that's been bugging me since this morning.

It's about Aldous Huxley's words. You can find some of Aldous Huxley's profile in this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldous_Huxley. He was an English writer. A thinker. Some of his well circulated books were Brave New World, Island, Point Counter Point, and The Doors of Perception. I find the Brave New World very interesting.

Here's one of his many quotes that I can't help but ponder this past few hours.

"Who lives longer? The man who takes heroin for two years and dies, or a man who lives on roast beef, water and potatoes 'till 95? One passes his 24 months in eternity. All the years of the beefeater are lived only in time." 

What do you think he wants to convey? And what legitimate activities do you think can we experience a sense or feeling of eternity? Do you think there is a benefit for this kind of feeling?

Please feel free to post your answers. You can answer all or just one question.It's up to you.

I'll be back. I just need to go downstairs because my friend is waiting for me. I'm not sure if we're going to the beach as planned. But I need this. Maybe at the beach I can have a feeling of ecstasy (lol)...just a glimpse of eternity would do.

I Will Not Cry

I think I will not cry.

If the one that I cherished the most left me, I will not cry. Why should I cry when I know in my heart that I have loved her more than I have loved my own life?

If she tries to hurt me through words and the words became like piercing arrows that cuts deep and even reaches the soul that it hurts too much, I will not cry. Why would I cry when I know in my heart that I haven't let go of the promise I once made to love her unto the very end, even if at the moment everything was dark?

If the girl that I love the most treated me as though I could not be trusted, I will not cry. Why should I cry when I know in my heart that even though I am not perfect, I know I have done my best?

If I have lost the love of my life, I think I will not cry. I will search for her instead. Sleep will not hold me back. The night can't stop me. The dazzling thought and excitement of finding her again fuels my entire being. But she was nowhere to be found. Then I was wrong. I'm a man. I will cry after all.

And may the open fields cry with me. Let the leaves fall to the ground and may the red flowers let their petals fall as if a brushing wind softly damped their cold hands into their tiny stem, shaking the leaves as it passes by.

I call on the sky to cry with me. Let it be full of clouds. Let it be dark as it may. And may my tears be as countless as the raindrops on a thunderstorm. And as the tears flow down my cheeks let it be like the waters flowing on the river up to the surging mighty waves of that great dark ocean.

Yes, I will cry after all. For what is life without you? What is life without the one you love?

I don't have a heart of stone. A heart of  flesh   was  molded   inside  of me.

I will not alter the flow. I will go with the  pain, stay  in  the  rain   and learn. 

I will let the raindrops fall so it can water the old aged earth and cause fresh grass to grow and new flowers  to bloom.A new beginning.

Will I cry or will I not?

When a heart gets broken there are no easy answers anymore.

But Yes, I will cry after all. 

Heart Matters

 I can't quit now. Or should I?

There are lot of questions at the back of my mind. My mother just died. There's another huge but quite different story behind it. It was back then.. a few months ago..when I suffered from stress and depression. That was the first time I came in contact with this terrible monster. The pain of being left alone by the one who brought me into this world and have given me so much love just added up to my misery. The pain never left me.

I had a job but the stress that I'm feeling keeps me out of focus. It's only a miracle that I didn't only survived but I actually arrived to where I wanted. At that time I always have before me the idea of making happy those people that matters to me. I know I'm doing my best but the one thing that I now realized by experience is that you cannot make everybody happy and will always fall short of some of their expectations. People will always find fault in almost everything that you do. Even those things that you thought you have given your whole heart and strength and mind.

Are there people who can really understand the heart so they will help you not to hurt? 

I don't think there is. Or I can be wrong.

I remember the saying "the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure..who can understand it".In my experience, I think it's true.  The moment that you think you can understand your own heart that is the moment that you don't. And at the minute that you say you don't that is the time that you really do. Oh, those paradoxes of life are stunning indeed!

I had tried to have the best intentions in almost all aspects of my daily life even in my present relationships...even on the way I speak and the words I let out of my mouth. I was a leader of a group that train potential leaders to become leaders of different departments designated to various sectors in the community. I was accustomed with deadlines, pressures, criticisms and the like. For almost eleven years of my life I had never experience a sudden burst of outraged. But then it happened, in just a flash, I was never really aware that it was happening.